Sometimes I take myself too seriously. The universe has a way of giving me a reality check--or maybe it's my children, it's hard to tell! Anyway, a few days ago I posted my journey to create my future reality with all the bells and whistles and fancy drawings. Later that evening, I was showing my husband the picture that is now taped to my office wall. As we walked over to the drawing, I noticed a little smiley face on the right-hand side that I hadn't drawn. It was a cute little face. I am sure that it was drawn by one of my children--although they both deny it.
I had a flash of disappointment that they had "ruined" my drawing, but I quickly realized it was a perfect representation of chaos, the unexpected, and humor. Somehow freedom comes through that for me. I have worked on the concept of "chaos" in my life for years and see order and chaos as a scale with chaos on one end and order on the other. I like to think I can choose what part of the scale will best achieve my current goals and I am not locked in to a "right" way of doing things. Embracing chaos allows the unexpected to be better than what I would plan myself--and sometimes the world generously gifts me experiences beyond my wildest expectations.
I like thinking about a potluck as an example of embracing chaos. If I use the order end of the scale, I can tell everyone what to bring. I don't know what they like to make and I don't know their skill sets but I get to have the menu I want. If I use the chaos end of the scale, everyone might bring dessert (we could order pizza and the kids would remember it forever as the best potluck ever) but everyone would get to make the dish they want to make. If I used the middle of the scale, I could make a main dish and then let everyone else bring whatever they want. This would make dinner appear somewhat normal while allowing individual expression. Any of these perspectives will work and might be best in any given situation. It is being at choice about embracing chaos and how I want to embrace chaos that allows the beauty to unfold.
Most days I choose to be more on the chaos end of the scale. I love the wild ride of being able to bounce off the unexpected. For me this makes me feel free and fun-loving and easy going. For others it would make them crazy and lead to some very unpleasant feelings Think about what end of the chaos scale you are most comfortable end and then try to stretch your range in both directions. See what you notice....I'll be curious to hear your thoughts!
I have had an interesting fall. My kids have been very busy with several activities, Mel is teaching 3 evenings a week which upsets our dinner ritual, and my daughter just left for chef school yesterday. I have been off balance and trying to get my feet. I am usually pretty good with change. I even seek it out. Change is fun. Before I married Mel, I used to move to a new house because it is fun. Now I rely more on habits and ritual to make our busy lives work and this fall hasn't been a normal fall.
I have felt personally unsettled. I have been wishing for more close friends, imagining some slight changes in my work life. Longing for just a little bit more challenge, being drawn to people with lots of tattoos who (in my imagination) seem to live a lifestyle of freedom and expansive thinking. I have been dreaming of being a little more creative and wanting to come up with a plan for creating my own intellectual property. I had some ideas back in the summer--some good ones. Somehow they got pushed into the background by my "life."
I realize I have an opportunity for a new beginning today. I can make some shifts, make some plans, start creating more of what I want. I am in a great position to do this from. My business is successful, we aren't dealing with any crises in my business or at home. It is simply shifting and making some commitments and changes so my real life looks more like the dream in my head.
So, today is a new beginning for me. I thought about what I want to have happen in the next months. For me having my daughter move away to school has been an intense process. Something about her being at the beginning of her life has had me want to help her, really launch her right, and has also made me ready to reflect on my own life.
I have been thinking about how to approach my exploration. I decided to start with my current reality mind map. I made a mind map of my current reality. It is pictured here. I put myself in the center and then the facets of my life that are important around the center circle.
I make these mind maps all the time for clients but haven't ever done a big one for myself. As I look at it, I get a glimpse of why I am feeling unsettled. It is in some of the areas that are focused on my own personal growth that I am feeling an unusual need for stimulation. My family life seems settled and very good. Solid. My work is solid but I am not pushing very hard toward a goal. My health is much better than is was a couple of years ago but now I am restless--wanting more in all the facets of my life. I am craving, well..flair. I want to be hanging out with artists and writers and creating from my soul.
I am also curious about how all the of the roles I play in my life lead to how I spent my time and I am curious about whether or not I am at choice with my roles or if my life sometimes happens contrary to my own intentions.
I decided to create a drawing of a future reality "tree." Here's what I drew:
This was an intense experience drawing all this. I had tears and felt like all that I want was within my reach and my vision. It was very clear. I felt I created something beautiful just for me. Next I get to figure out how to shift from where I am now to where I want to be.
I start working with my new coach on Wednesday. I know I want to tackle the hard topics of what I want to be a part of my life and how to get there. I want to have a clear big picture vision hanging on the wall in my office when we start working together. I know that creating the life I want is brave work and I will need to be gentle with myself. I will add to this drawing over the next couple of days. Even as I am writing, I notice that leadership isn't on here and that is very important to me. I'll find a place to add it. It is a journey--one I own.
This is the kind of work I do with my clients and I would love to hear from you what is important to you in your future life and any thoughts you have about this exercise.
Blessings to you..